Tales From the Dark Side of Relocation
MOBILITY Magazine, May 2008
E-mail this article to a friendWhile the best relocations end with smiling transferees happily settled in their destination abodes, many atrocities go on behind the scenes that are sometimes so nauseating that they turn the stomachs of the most seasoned relocation professionals. Bianchi shares a volume of stories that may leave you horrified—or in stitches.
By Tamara Bianchi, CRP
Are you new to corporate relocation and not sure what you may have gotten into? Or, have you been in the business so long you are quite sure you were here when it all began? Despite the enjoyment one can receive from reading MOBILITY, would it not be great to come across an “easy read” that will help you appreciate the many challenges you face daily and one that only raises your eyebrows and not your stress level or “to-do” list?
Many seasoned relocation professionals will tell you that every work day brings new challenges. Tax gross-ups, losses on sale, IRS regulations, forecasting for relocation appraisals, logistic complications, immigration and visa barriers, and budgeting issues, to name just a few.
These are areas that require expertise and learning, and certainly are considered bizarre to the world outside of the global mobility industry. However, the stories that follow are (believe it or not) real, and come from seasoned relocation professionals who used to think the stories were strange, but after working in the industry as long as they have, are not sure anymore.
Names have been changed or are not referenced at all in order to protect privacy. A most special thanks to Jim Lockington, president of Jim Lockington Consulting, Toronto, ON, Canada; Dory Binge, SCRP, GMS, manager, relocation for Johns Manville, Denver, CO; Nicole Overholt, CRP, manager client financial services for Capital Relocation Services, Aurora, CO; and Bet Mansfield, SCRP, vice president contracts and policy development, Prudential Relocation, Washington, DC, for their incredulous, shocking, and amazing contributions. Relish in the fact that they have not happened to you and enjoy!
’I’m Thirsty’
“We had a house in our inventory with a well, and the well went dry. All new wells that were drilled went dry within a matter of hours. No one could find any water on the property, so we resorted to hiring a ‘Water Witcher,’ who walked the property using copper rods trying to locate ground water. He reported there was no water anywhere on the acre site. We continued to spend money on drilling and many months later, came to the same conclusion. After several years in inventory, the house had to be donated to a charity, as without water, we couldn’t sell it.”
Legal Fun
“There was one transferee who hired a personal injury attorney during his relocation and threatened to sue us for the ‘lowball’ buy-out offer. His relocation was cancelled, along with his job.
“We had another transferee who wanted us to provide him with hardship pay because the termite inspector that was sent out during the appraisal process thought the home was vacant and saw Mrs. Transferee naked in the bathroom.”
Wheel of (Temporary) Fortune
“The transferee forged his wife’s name on the contract of sale and deed. He modified the acknowledgement by adding ‘t,’ ‘e,’ and ‘r’ to ‘his’ to make it ‘their.’ He received the equity proceeds by check for about $265,000, moved to California, and bought a new house, immediately sinking all of the proceeds into his purchase. He divorced his wife, who remained in Dallas, TX, with their children. The broker went by the property several times to list it and the wife said she was not interested in selling it and to please stop coming by.
“That is when we looked more closely at the documents and saw there were two separate inks on the acknowledgement. We had paid off the mortgage and, because it was Texas and you could only borrow purchase money, she was living in a house that was free and clear. We asked her to testify on our behalf to her former husband’s fraudulent conduct, but she refused, saying she was convinced he would come to his senses and return to his family.
“A couple of years went by, and no one was quite sure what to do next. The transferee may have even left the company. One summer night, the former Mrs. Transferee is fixing dinner while watching Wheel of Fortune when, lo and behold, who does she see on the show but . . . Mr. Transferee!
“He proceeds to win roughly $65,000. When he was asked at the end of the show if he had anyone in the audience with him, he says, ‘Why, yes, my lovely wife, Bambi,’ who came bouncing down from the audience to the stage. The former Mrs. Transferee called us the next day to offer her assistance in suing Mr. Transferee.”
Environmental Disaster Times Two
“We had a house with an oil tank in the basement. For some reason, the fitting on the bottom of the oil tank broke off and the entire tank drained into the basement of the vacant house. The oil drained into the sump pump, which pumped it outside, where it drained onto the adjoining neighbor’s property, flowing into a pond to the rear of the property.
“This environmental disaster quickly became an insurance disaster. Clean up was outrageously complex and expensive: the transferee’s house was off the market for many months…. We had to prop our house up, break out the basement floors and footings, truck it all away to an environmental dump site, and replace the footings and floors with new concrete. We had to scrape the land between our house and the neighbor’s pond to remove any surface oil. We had to drain and scrape out the neighbor’s pond, put the oil, pond water, and sludge in special barrels and to truck it all away to an environmental dump site.
“Pretty bad, you say? But it’s not over yet. The barrels were stacked on the back deck of the house awaiting the ‘special’ trucks to take it to the ‘special’ dump. However, the weight of the barrels was too heavy for the deck, which collapsed, spilling the oil and water on the ground (drum roll) where it again drained onto the adjoining neighbor’s property, flowing into the pond at the rear of his property.
Repeat the process and the expense. Happy client? Happy neighbor? Happy insurance company? You guess.”
Furniture Disaster Times Two
“We were relocating a bank executive from Toronto to Calgary. He was replacing another bank executive who we were relocating from Calgary to Edmonton (one of those chain or domino relocations).
“The truck with the Toronto executive’s furniture went off the road in Northern Ontario, and the truck and furniture were totally destroyed. The same week, the truck taking the Calgary executives goods to Edmonton caught fire in transit and burned to the ground. Two sets of furniture destroyed in one week, same corporate account.”
Bang and Blame?
“The heating went off in a vacant transferee house and it froze. Later in the day, after the heating system was restored, the house blew up. It was completely destroyed. We found out later the property previously had been owned by a bomb squad specialist. Was it a gas leak, or did the former owner leave behind a small piece of his work? We never found out.”
Driven to Drink
“Per standard corporate policy, we denied reimbursement for large amounts of submitted alcohol charges (both in restaurants and from liquor stores). The employee came back and justified the expense by saying that he should be reimbursed for the expenses, as he had to drink to relieve the stress of moving and taking three children with him on their homefinding trip.”
Delightful Décor
“An agent was sent out to do a broker’s opinion on a property and reported back that it would take a lot of work to sell. In addition to painting and other cosmetic issues, one bedroom had Barbie® dolls covering the walls. Not Barbie® doll wallpaper, but actual dolls in their boxes glued to the walls.”
A Science Experiment Gone Horribly Wrong?
“We received interior and exterior photographs of the property from the listing broker. The interior walls in one room appeared to be covered with black wallpaper or paint. It turned out the walls were covered with mold.”
Ghostly Odor
“We had a transferee who had an odor problem in his house. He thought if he hung car air fresheners on every interior door knob, no one would notice the bad smell. There was a little paper pine tree hanging on every door.
“When we told him that wasn’t going to work, he finally told us he had been plagued with this randomly occurring odor and because he could not figure out the source, was convinced the house was possessed by a foul smelling ghost.
“When told that was not going to pass for disclosure purposes, he went out and found an odor expert at some university to do an inspection.
“The ‘odor expert’ couldn’t come up with anything. Finally, the listing agent went over after a heavy storm, and the smell was back. They traced it to standing water on a portion of the porch roof. We all liked the ghost story better.”
Tamara Bianchi, CRP, is director of client services for Capital Relocation Services, Denver, CO, and a member of the MOBILITY Editorial Advisory Committee. She can be reached at +1 703 996 1286 or e-mail tbianchi@caprelo.com.
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