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Global mobility professionals who undergo their own international moves traditionally emerge with a sympathetic and empathetic viewpoint of the transferees and their families they themselves manage—but only after what is commonly an arduous journey. Perelstein relates her own experience crossing borders, and how this experience led to the creation of her own educational consulting company.

It was the middle of a good year. My daughter, Sarah, had made a successful transition to middle school in the sixth grade, and my son, Dan, was thriving with a wonderful teacher in grade four. I just had been re-elected to our school board, my job was going well, and my husband was succeeding in his. All of us were solidly entrenched in our suburban New York, New York, community when my husband was approached to consider a job in London, United Kingdom. When he asked whether I would be willing to move, I said, “Go for it; if it is meant to be, it will be.” I had no idea how much those words would change our lives.

You know what the personal trainers say: “no pain, no gain.” Now a member of the “global mobility” world, I am almost embarrassed that my only overseas assignment already was 12 years ago in a Western, English-speaking location—London—and for a predictable three years. But for me and for my family, even that relatively sheltered adventure provided an abundance of pain, out of which came infinitely more gain.

Decisions, Decisions, Decisions

The first thing that changed is that everything became a decision. Our lives had been routine; we all went about our schedules on a daily basis. Suddenly, we had to ask ourselves whether we wanted to live in the city or the suburbs, to send the kids to local or international school, and whether to rent out or sell the house. We had major decisions to make on a daily basis. The multitude of details to resolve in only two months almost numbed the pain of leaving friends and family, worrying about our elderly parents, and acknowledging the grief we had imposed on our children. Our first decision was when to tell the kids—and how to get them to buy-in if we decided to make the leap. 

We painted a rosy picture of the life we would have in London. On our look-see visit—the kids’ first trip to London—we took them to the theater and Harrods between housing and school visits. We had been naively hopeful, but our efforts did not close the sale. Then we promised the kids a dog in exchange for the rabbit they were leaving. But Maxx, soon to become the love of our lives, still did not replace Sniffy, and we soon learned that neither new friends nor travel could replace longstanding relationships.

Only when the movers came to pack our boxes and I found myself lying on the laundry room floor in tears did I face the ache that comes with leaving a rich life for an overseas assignment. A professional by identity, when I found myself in tears once again, spending my days cleaning up after Maxx while my husband was at work and my children at school, I realized that not only was leaving hard but that a prolonged adjustment in a new country followed. Our greatest fears were realized when not all of our elderly parents survived our overseas assignment. And, not until my family repatriated and my daughter came home from her first day at her former school and said, “it’s not cool to be smart here,” did we understand that the assignment had changed our children, and ourselves, in a fundamental way.

Things Not Asked

We did not know what questions to ask before moving to London. 

The kids. Shopping for school supplies in an attempt to stimulate enthusiasm before the move, we bought new, shiny three-ringed binders and 8.5” by 11” paper. After the embarrassment of bringing the wrong school supplies for the first day of school, they were quickly discarded for two ringed binders and A-4 paper. 

My journey. As a full-time working mother, I had assumed that after arriving in London I could just get a job. I knew enough to do my research in advance and to learn that my husband’s work permit made this possible. After only two months in London my job search was successful. Replicating the child care choice which was familiar to me, I hired a nanny. And then a second nanny. And then a third nanny. When Wednesday’s early dismissal resulted in a weekly call from the school office to inform me that my son had not been picked up, I began dreading Wednesday before the previous weekend.

Without friends or family I had no safety net—there was no one to collect my son if the nanny was not there on time. After two months of stomach aches, I resigned from my new job. It was the first time I ever had quit anything.

I could write a book about our wrong assumptions, the mistakes we made, the opportunities we missed. But the point is clear. Every step of the move was hard. 

So how could we feel that our London experience was worth all the anguish?

Moving to London was a pivotal, life-changing experience for each member of our family. Why?

1. Because you have everything to gain when you have nothing to lose. So we could take risks and learn and grow from them.

2. Because when no one else understood how we felt, we relied on each other.

3. Because learning that we could master change encouraged each of us to evaluate every part of our lives and identities, and to recognize that we should love what we do every day. As a result of our experience in London, my son reinvented himself entirely. He discarded his Michael Jordan posters and accepted himself as a music/theater/math/science kid. Finally comfortable in his own skin, he evolved into a double major in music and engineering in college. 

4. Because we discovered that we could survive loneliness and loss—and come out of it stronger. And, therefore, we could make independent decisions, rather than follow the crowd. Nothing could be worse than sitting alone in a school cafeteria for six weeks without anyone to talk to. Having done that, my daughter Sarah learned that eventually she would make friends—who have become lifelong friends—and what to expect next time she went through a process of starting over.

5. Because relocating to London taught all of us that we could move on a dime and start again—and, in today’s world, who knows if any of us may have to. My daughter, who went to college in Houston, TX, was put to the test right after Hurricane Katrina in New Orleans, LA, when Houston, too, anticipated a hurricane. Her American friends all hunkered down to wait. She and three other friends—all global nomads—packed a car with their jewelry and hair straighteners (although they forgot to pack underwear) and headed out. Although the storm proved insignificant, the kids who had moved around knew how to survive.

6. Because last, but hardly least, we learned that not everyone is American. Our kids easily can adapt in other countries if they need or want to. And they understand how to work with people from other cultures in the global workplace into which they have become young adults.

How Lemons Became Lemonade For Me

Eventually I learned that I could not—and would not want to—simply replicate my former life in a different culture. The rules of the game, even in a Western and English-speaking country, were entirely different; which meant I had to do something unique. Even as a former educator I knew that finding and adapting to school in a new country was emotionally and actually challenging. With nothing to lose I tried something that would have frightened and embarrassed me at home. I began visiting schools and learning about the British, American, and International curricula. At the same time, I developed a brochure about my educational consulting company, School Choice Inter­national, and phoned an expatriate journal to let them know about this innovative business.

Surprisingly, they published the article. I sent my brochure and the article to a wide range of Fortune 500 companies that had a London presence. One called me and said they would try me on a one-off basis to help a family relocating from the United States to find schools for their children. And so, School Choice International was born. 

Combining my education background, experience as an expatriate, and the entrepreneurial skills I did not know I had has given me 12 years of unparalleled work satisfaction. I started School Choice Inter­national based on needs I identified through personal experience. With nothing to lose I developed a business that has grown to 17 employees and 90 consultants in all the key expatriate destinations worldwide.

When we returned from London, my daughter turned to me and said, “now I know Mom, that there’s nothing I can’t do.” Yes we experienced pain, but in that simple phrase she spoke for all of us. And I could not ask for anything more.

Liz Perelstein is president of School Choice International, White Plains, New York. She can be reached at +1 914 328 3000 or e-mail liz@schoolchoiceintl.com.